I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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