Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
