she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
