Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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