xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize