I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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