Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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