did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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