Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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