I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
