Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
