i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my sisters under your porch take her home
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
