The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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