So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
