Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize