Whod you bang
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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