Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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