What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
