Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize