allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
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