nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
