Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Did I show you my penis last night?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
