Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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