yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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