The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
