Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
