remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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