I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I see more hoeing in ur future
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