just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
