The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
