just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
