I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I faked an abortion last night.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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