Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
