fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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