i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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