i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
