Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
