Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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