i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
