White coat. Heels.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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