I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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