No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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