is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
