End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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