Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
