I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
