make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
