That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
