cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
