Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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