No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
