I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
