the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
