I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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