it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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