Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
