I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Bring me that man meat
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
