its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
