the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
