I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
