also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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