my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize