I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
