It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
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You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
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I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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