She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
