Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
