That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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