and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
