dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
