the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Pants are for mortals
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