Grow some girl-balls and come out already
high people should be assigned attendants
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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