Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
