i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
