that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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