She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
