awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We don't watch enough power rangers
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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