he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
