i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
