Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
